Deliver Me

Now behold ye know that this is true; and ye also know that an angel hath spoken unto you; wherefore can ye doubt?

- 1 Nephi 4:3

I'm convinced the more independent we become, the more we learn about the things we're dependent upon. 

It is like little Ashtyn who is loving learning to do things all on her own. Independence is something she chases every day. She's learning to self-soothe and to put herself to sleep but she relies on her soo soo and blankie for comfort and security. She's creeping around, on the verge of crawling any day. But she won't scoot too far without securing a glance of approval from me or Papa. She is happy to play or eat without company, but if she thinks she'll be left alone she panics and immediately cries for help and the assurance that someone is nearby watching out for her. 

Evan's at the opposite end of the spectrum. He has discovered his independence but craves attention and reassurance. He wants companionship, friendship and to feel part of a group. Although he is happy to play alone, he much prefers someone to be near him, even if that means I sit and fold laundry on the couch while he plays next to me on the floor. He's realized how assuring it is to know you have someone on your side. It calms him down, makes him happier and gives him the courage to do things he might not feel strong enough or motivated enough to do on his own. As counter intuitive as it may seem, asking for help to do things he knows he can do alone - like get dressed or brush his teeth - gives him confidence and shows him his own strengths and abilities. And as his Mama, I take every opportunity he gives me to help him, to praise him for his effort and to point out to him how capable he really is on his own.

Like Nephi and his brothers, sometimes life thrusts us into situations that force us to look within ourselves to find strength. Often we have no idea what is coming next but we have need for sustaining faith, the hope of firm conviction, and trust that no matter the circumstances, "the Lord is able to deliver us." And while we labor to gain our independence and learn to do things on our own, sometimes the most important lesson we need to learn is to trust ourselves and trust in the Lord's ability to lead us. At some point we must inevitably take a few steps in the darkness before the light is revealed. Or, as Nephi describes, "I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."

Gaining independence and realizing our dependence are both very essential to our happiness and progression in life. Killing Laban was undoubtedly a very difficult thing for Nephi to do. He hoped there was another way. Still, he trusted in the Lord, reflected long and hard on the things he knew, and then took a step into the darkness, relying on his previously developed inner strength to carry him into the light. 

I believe our Father in Heaven delights when we come to him and ask for help. He knows our strengths and abilities. He gave them to us. When we acknowledge that fact and come to him in order to magnify those talents or to find strength beyond our own, his hand is outstretched and ready to come to our aid. Indeed our all-powerful Maker is "mightier than all the earth,"  and yet, as Elder Jeffery R. Holland testifies, "... amidst the wondrously complex tasks inherent in the universe, He seeks our individual happiness and safety above all other godly concerns." (Jeffery R. Holland, The Grandeur of God, Ensign, October 2003)

So, when you think you can do it all on your own, ask yourself how different the outcome could be if you let the Lord lead. Or perhaps you may find yourself lacking the strength or confidence to even begin down a road that looks treacherous and hard. Never declare your independence from the Lord, but rather acknowledge your dependence on him. Whatever insurmountable obstacle you think lies ahead, take courage in Nephi's words and in my own experience and testimony that He has done it before and will do it again and again; "The Lord is able to deliver us."